Christians are straight up FREAKS
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
