if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
