Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
3pm strippers are depressing
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
