I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
