a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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