I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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