My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you will always have a special place in my vag
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
