wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
