So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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