nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
