I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
