honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
