why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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