We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
