I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
