walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
