if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
