My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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