guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Even my vagina gasped.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
