A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
