apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
