I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
