just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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