I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
