Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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