The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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