atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
