Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
