there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
