life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
