I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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