I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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