guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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