Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
