fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
