on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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