so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
