We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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