Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
