Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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