Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
