i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
