Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
