How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
