it wasn't lemon gatorade
i need an iv and a liver transplant
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
