It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
