god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He felt like a one man threesome
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
