Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
so much tequila, so little girl.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
