I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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