Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
