She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
