Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
