I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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