For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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