You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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