I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
