he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
