I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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