So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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