youre lurking in front of me
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
